Painful Thoughts
by KimberlySan
Summary: My first FB fic. Its a Shigure/Hatori story, but with slight OOC. Very, very depressing... Shigure is hopelessly in love with Hatori, even if he plays with his emotions. R&R!!


Painful Thoughts  
By: Kimmy-Sama  
  
Wow.. my first Fruits Basket fanfic and its so utterly depressing. I have been in a depressed mood lately, (I wasn't when I wrote this though!) so I guess thats where it came from. I tried to make the ending a little more... cheerful than the rest of the story. So, go ahead and read on! And please review!  
  
  
  
  
One thing he had realized. No one, could ever make him feel like this. Not only could he make his insides fill with complete love and happiness, but he could tear at his very soul, causing him to break down and cry like an infant. And another thing that Shigure had realized, was that his body physically ached when he wasn't near Hatori.   
  
He remembered growing up with him, exploring the world and the emotions that children went through. He recalled happy times, times when they would hide away, afraid of the things around them. But no matter what, they had always had each other to lean on.  
  
Even now, their trust and friendship was so very strong. Of course, they would have their petty fights, but then, all friends did. Ayame was very close to them also, yet never had Shigure had such a bond with anyone but Hatori.  
  
As the dog cursed man sat at his desk, in his office at his home, his mind flashed back to one night that he would never forget.  
  
~~~  
  
  
"I... did it."  
  
Shigure looked up from his current book he was writing to see a grief stricken Hatori, his eyes red and his clothes slightly wet from the snow outside. Quickly Shigure got up and went to his friend, putting both hands on the man's shoulders.  
  
"Hato-san..* Your freezing! Come, lets get you warmed up."   
  
Yet, the doctor didn't move, even when Shigure tried to move him. "I did it." He repeated.  
  
"Did... what?" Shigure quickly grabbed an extra one of his robes that were in a nearby closet. He draped it over Hatroi's shoulders, trying to get him warmed up.   
  
"I... erased her memory."  
  
Shigure paused, his eyes looking at Hatori. He had a patch over his left eye, where now he would be permanently blind. He knew that in Hatori's mind, he was in complete agony. Quietly he put his arm around his best friend, leading him to a different room, where he pulled a heated blanket out. Hatori just stood there, letting Shigure lead him now, then obeyed when he told Hatroi to sit on the floor.  
  
With a sigh, Shigure pulled his robe off his friend's shoulders, then put the blanket over him. "Hato-san... Just relax, alright?"  
  
Nodding sadly, Hatori pulled his legs up to his chest, hugging them close while the blanket warmed him. Shigure felt so.. helpless sitting there, next to his friend. He had lost something dear to him. And more than anything, he wanted to help. But how?  
  
It was then he noticed Hatori's shoulder's shake lightly. He was crying... Shigure's first reaction was to pat him on the back and say that everything would be fine. But, how could one do that exaactly? Especially to a man who had lost all that he cared for just a few hours before?  
  
But, he had to do something. Ever so gently, Shigure draped his arm around his best friend, not saying a word, but pulling the wounded man towards him. Hatori did not pull away, he simply fell into the other man's hug, continuing to sob in silence. One there, Shigure pulled his other arm around him, comforting him.  
  
It was a new feeling that plagued Shigure's stomach then. Never had he and Hatori been so close, physically anyway. He could only remember maybe once had they really hugged. And that time, it was a simple embrace then let go kinda hug.  
  
Now, Shigure felt Hatori's breath run over his neck as he cried, tears soaking the collar of his robe. It was like.. butterflies were dancing in his gut, doing flips and running into each other. He had always felt a love towards Hatori, like a love for a brother.. but maybe it grew?  
  
At first he shook it off with a sigh. Of course not. He couldn't ever care for a man like that. He just wasn't like that. But then again, the sent of Hatori's hair was making this feeling grow...  
  
  
~~  
  
  
It was at that moment Shigure realized his love for Hatori. That night Hatori had fallen asleep on his shoulder, and the entired night, Shigure watched over him with occasionally brushing his dark green* hair from his face. His face, was and would always be, etched in Shigure's mind forever, and his heart would always be there, in Hatori's hands.  
  
Time had passed, like it always did. Shigure had eventually confessed to his love, and Hatori... well Hatori promised never to hurt his feelings.  
  
That was a lie. Shigure was put on this emotional roller coaster, one that he could never get off of. Hatori pushed and pulled, made him speed forward, then come to a complete stop. And poor Shigure, was left to take the abuse.   
  
Shigure could always remember the first night they made love. It had been a new experience for both of them, seeing how they both only had women before. But as the night progressed, both seemed so content in their new lover's embrace, and the full pleasures that they could have with one another. It was a night that neither would ever forget, and only want more of.  
  
But it started to progress a little differently than what Shigure had wanted. Hatori seemed to love him, to only want happiness for his love. And Shigure gave himself fully to him. Never again would he love another, because he only wanted Hatori.  
  
Night after night, Hatori's mood changed. At times he would want to be close and make love like they used to. Then just the next night, he would pull out Shigure's heart with the things he did, or the things he would say. And it was painful... so very painful.  
  
One night... was the worst night Shigure had ever had with Hatori. He came in, forced himself upon Shigure, and even managed to give him a black eye and a few bruises. His body ached and screamed at him for moving the next day, but he went out and did his best to look cheerful like he always was. Even though, inside, he wanted to just die.  
  
He had attempted to kill himself before, with no luck. He would get to scared or not cut deep enough in his arm. But the thing that made him feel worse, was the fact that Hatori kept coming back and apologizing, saying he would never, ever hurt him again. And Shigure... the poor dog just kept welcoming the one he loved with open arms.  
  
Why didn't he just leave, just ignore him, and just start another life? Well, he thought living in his own house would change a little of his pain. It did for sometime. He found it easier to relax and be by himself. But then... He got so lonely, he felt the urge to just run back and find Hatori, to try and get him to love him like he felt.  
  
But he was better off like this. He could just ignore the pain and sorrow. It was harder than it sounded, though. And everyday, he would think of Hatori.   
  
Much to Shigure's surprise, Hatori came around every once in a while. They talked, like friends once again, and laughed about different things. Some nights... they even held each other for sometime, being in each other's arms. These few nights, kept Shigure going. It was hard to see him leave the next morning, but he grinned and bared it.   
  
Yuki came to live with him, and that gave him comfort. He wasn't really alone anymore, and he still had his freedom. It was a happy time again. He would be able to just be himself, and enjoy the world around him.   
  
And as Shigure stood from his desk, he quietly walked towards the front of the house, his hands folded in his robes. He opened the front door and looked out at the night, seeing a figure walking slowly towards him. His dark eyes glittered as he smiled, for he knew that he would have another wonderful night.  
  
  
-Fin-  
  
*=Hato-san ... I forget what Shigure calls Hatori, so I put this.   
*= Green hair... I'm pretty sure Hatori's hair is dark green, that's what I see when I look at him.  
  
It took forever to type this with the nails I have on. (I went to my High School prom last night.) And I am about to rip them off!! *tries to do so, but remembers that they costed 30 bucks!* Never mind.... Kimmy-Sama, signing off! ^.^; 


End file.
